


Dorms

by Nugg



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Akira is a sly fuck like always, Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, If you squint and turn your head it's sprinkled with a tinsy tiny bit of yutaba, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Ryuji has social anxiety, Slow Burn, Yusuke is in it for like two lines so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-03-21 14:59:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13743393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nugg/pseuds/Nugg
Summary: Ryuji likes living in the dorms he could guess. It had nice internet, was close to his classes, and had a very cute guy living a few rooms down.Now, if only he couldn't stop being so nervous. And figure out why the guy is hiding something from him.





	1. Chapter 1

     College was nothing short of depressing. Tough classes, trying to eat at least once a day, and lying in his bed at night. Alone. Ryuji sucked at making friends in high school. And university wasn't any different.

      He sat on the ground and stared into his food drawer. Wondering what flavor of ramen he'd consume again today. Having to admit that the taste was beginning to make him sick of the noodles. He picked shrimp and hoisted himself up.

    His water jug needed to be filled. And he didn't feel like walking all the way downstairs to get the nice water from the tap... But he needed it to actually eat something. Knowing that the bathroom water may have been warmer, but hoping its taste was the same. He figured it couldn't be that bad.

    Trying desperately to be inconspicuous, he opened his door, sticking his head out to see the hallway of his dorm empty. Shuffling to the end of the corridor and into the bathrooms, relieved that nobody was in them. He turned on the faucet and began to fill up the jug of water he was supposed to fill earlier, but procrastinated on doing so for a nice nap.

      Tapping his phone, he played a game he'd found the other day. Mindlessly listening to the water fill his jug as he tried to beat his score. Bouncing his leg in boredom.

     He was admittedly startled upon seeing another person walk into the bathroom. Looking up from his phone, heart jumping at the sight of the guy. Frozen with his water jug in his hands as well.

     Ryuji tried not to be a creep and stare, distracting himself by texting his mom to ask about something random. Making it look like he was busy. He wasn't really the one for conversation, especially when it was with some stranger in a bathroom at midnight.

     The guy put his jug in the sink adjacent to Ryuji and glanced up at the celing before he looked at him, "Guess we had the same idea huh..?"

      Actually surprised someone was speaking to him, he laughed, "Hah- yeah. I- I uh forgot to do it earlier."

      He felt inferior to the guy. Remembering his face from anywhere, he moved into the dorm the same day that Ryuji did. And he'd always seen him lounging downstairs in the commons, reading, or doing something on his phone.

      Admittedly, Ryuji only knew him because he was good looking. A guy like that.. you can't forget. He was a very handsome dude, and most likely a loner judging by all the times he had seen him without anyone. But of course, he shouldn't assume. He was by himself all the time as well, so who was he to judge the random guy?

     Social anxiety was heavily weighing on him. He wanted to continue on small talk with the stranger, but felt his words trapped in his throat. Already feeling nervous due to the appealing image of him. Not wanting to screw anything up in front of such a beautiful person.

       "I've seen you around, what's your major?" He rested his arm on the jug, looking at Ryuji with interest.

       "Oh- I- Uh," He was stuttering hardcore, and made a mental note. That he'd go back to his room and slap himself for being so jumpy, "Athletic Training... Whatta 'bout you?"

       The corners of his mouth quirked up, giving Ryuji a warm smile, "Education, I really would love to be a teacher. Are you looking to be in the teaching feild?"

Ryuji nodded, "Yeah. Maybe a gym teacher, or a coach.. Maybe both. An' you?"

    "Literature." He said shortly, looking to the blonde in interest. He glanced into the mirror, and looked back at Ryuji. Making him immediately self concious that the stranger might've been sizing him up.

    He looked like the type of guy to be a Literature teacher. All from his voice down to his posture. Not even mentioning his glasses that practically screamed 'I read books for fun.'

    Something hit him, _did he look like he'd be a gym teacher?_ Certainly, if he wanted to go into the profession, he had to look the part. And now he'd be up all night overthinking. Like usual. Small things somehow always got to him.

     Not playing attention to anything but his thoughts, he whipped his head to the side. Hearing the guy say, "Hey-" and point. He noticed the jug was full, that it had blocked the drain, and was spilling water all over the tiled floor. His face pailed as his eyes widened.

    "What the 'eff!" He yelped, quickly turning off the faucet, and glancing over to see the stranger snickering.

    _What an ass_. He thought. _Can he at least help?_

    Like he read his mind, the Lit major pumped the paper towel dispenser vigorously. Tearing out a peice and tossing it twords Ryuji, who stood in a puddle, helplessly trying to push the water twords the drain in the middle of the room with his feet.

    He started to dry it up, feeling the guy crouch down as well to assist him. Ryuji felt like he could just shrivel away in embarrassment right there. The only friendly altercation he had with someone in months, he ended up being a ditz. First impression of him, he probably thought he was an idiot... Jeez. He just couldn't handle himself in any way.

    With a bunch of soggy paper towels bundled up, he felt that they cleaned it up as best they could. Ryuji looking down the whole time to hide his red face. Clenching his jaw in agony of what a lunatic he must've looked like.

    "I- I- Ugh-" He stuttered and ran his hand down his face, "I'm sorry man. I just wasn't payin' attention, being a dumbass ya know?."

    The guy shook his head, "No, no, it's alright." He smiled at Ryuji and stood with the wet towel bunched up in his hands, "I thought it was funny."

    His brows snapped together, "W- Well not for me! I'm traumatized dude!"

    He let out a small laugh, grabbing his jug of water from the sink, "You're funny."

    Ryuji felt defeated, still sitting on the cold ground. Legs spread out in front of him, he wanted to fall back into oblivion. Because the hot guy he'd seen around just cleaned up his mess, and complimented him. And now he sit with no words coming out. Unable to speak without saying something stupid.

    Fingers pressed to his forehead, he lazily saluted to the blonde on the ground and began to leave, "See you around, water boy."

    He'd never felt like dying more in his entire life.

 

     

     

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to my college AU. I got a short idea from Tumblr.( God bless) that person A in college keeps something on his laptop a secret from person B
> 
> I don't know how long this story will be, but I'd appreciate feedback!


	2. Chapter 2

     Ryuji had seen the guy who helped him clean up the water more than usual. Deciding that his nervousness couldn't be handled, and that he needed to ignore the dude. For the sake of not losing his mind, and actually having the right head space to focus on his work.

      That didn't mean he couldn't acknowledge his presence. Which, he did. Glancing at the guy whenever he remotely saw him, Ryuji felt his heart beat fast. Knowing this was his way of trying to be an acquaintance with him. Or, at least let the man know vaguely who he was.

     He was at the library, cramming for an essay he was supposed to work on. Feeling like his dorm would be a huge distraction for him, he typed away for what seemed like hours. The sun had well disappeared, and night encased the campus.

     As long as the sidewalk lamps were on, he felt he could stay at the library. But, he was ultimately tired and realized that he couldn't go on writing complete bullshit to make himself feel like he wasn't wasting time. He was going to keep whatever he wrote though, because he was too lazy to fix it.

    Hoisting his bag over his shoulder, he closed his laptop and stood to realize that he was one of the only people in the library. Scanning the almost empty room to find one guy on a computer, the librarian, and someone looking at books.

     The lady at the check out desk looked up as he left. Immediately feeling the lighting change as he stepped outside, he'd wished he would've brought his jacket.

     Someone began to walk up the steps in front of him, and Ryuji froze, seeing the guy from the other night in bathroom. Hoping that now could be his chance to actually get to speak properly to him. And make up for his idotic moves from their previous encounter.

      "Hey uhm- The library closes in like... a little bit." He turned to see the dude hault, his grip on the door handle.

       Letting go, he stood up straight and faced Ryuji. Head cocking to the side slightly, he furrowed his brows, "I don't believe we've met before. Who are you?"

       Ryuji looked away and choked on nothing. Embarrassed beyond anything else, he knew he never should start conversations. Something awkward always happened when he did. And now, he screwed up in front of a cute dude.

         The guy realized he had made a mistake in analyzing the blondes humor. And that he unfortunately didn't take very kindly to his stupid 'joke.' But still, he continued on to try and be as sly as he could manage.

       "Kidding." He gave a cheeky grin, "You're the guy from the other night. What was it I called you..? Water boy?"

       He scowled, crossing his arms,"My name is _Ryuji_."

        The guy surveyed the person in front of him with a hint of surprise in his face, looking away to snicker, "Okay. _Ryuji_. What time does this place close?

       "Ten..." He brought his phone up, and looked right back at the dude in front of him, "And it's 10:05."

         He puffed his cheeks and shoved his hands in his jacket pockets, "Shoot."

       Rubbing the back of his neck, Ryuji tried his best to not become nervous upon speaking. His heart rate faster than usual, "Do you uh- do you need a computer to work on? Cuz' I got one if you gotta do somethin'"

        He raised a brow, "Oh. No, I just wanted to check out a book. I was bored. I'm alright."

         "Okay... Well uh." He paused and set his mouth in a hard line, "I'm gonna go then."

        Hurriedly, he bounded down the cement stairs. Feeling the relief of not being under pressure of that guy. He started to walk briskly away from him, shadowing his face to hide the look of terror that was plastered on him.

      He wondered if he was too fast in walking away. Or if the guy found him weird, judging on the way he carried on his conversations. Or that he couldn't accept the way he was trying to joke. _If it was a joke.._. Over analyzing almost every single thing that had just occurred.

      If he hurled himself over a bridge, it would spare him some very awkward moments in the future. And maybe he wouldn't be so god-awful at being social.

      "You walk too fast." He heard behind him, stopping immediately. Hairs standing on end.

      Whipping around, he saw the unusually bright smile of the guy he was trying to get away from. Stifling a laugh, "I uh- I didn't know you were goin' to walk with me!"

       "Well. I assumed since we were going to the same place..." He reasoned. Putting his hands out to gesture into the open air.

        "I'm so sorry man. I shoulda- you know, waited or somethin'... I didn't think you'd want to walk with me." He apologized for something he knew he didn't need to apologize for.

      "No, no, it's okay. I thought maybe we could chat and fill the time going back. So we didn't have to venture home in silence." The stranger had a warm smile on his face.

        _Which was exactly what Ryuji had wanted to do. Be alone to jis thoughts. But, he would have to muddle through it. Giving him a chance with the very nice looking dorm neighbor._

       Beginning to strut down the sidewalk again, the guy joined Ryuji, walking by his side with his hands shoved in his pockets, "What do you do on your free time?

        Ryuji felt self concious about his answer. Shrinking as the tips of his ears grew hot, "Um. Read manga? Other than that, nothin'."

    "That sounds peaceful though. What stories do you like to read?" He questioned, leaning forward to look at Ryuji's face.

   He thought to what he had been reading lately, "Maybe, like action? The depressin' ones once in a while. But, I love to read the ones with fighting and shit."

    The guy laughed and Ryuji recoiled. Not knowing what was so funny, and hoping he wasn't making fun of his readings. Looking at the ground in shame as they walked. Streetlamps casting shadows into the dew-ridden grass.

At least, he didn't have to start up any talking. Because the dude seemed to be very interested in beginning the conversations. Even if he gave snarky answers, Ryuji appreciated that he did try to speak to him. Hoping he may have picked up on his shyness and dealt with it accordingly, which it seemed he was.

   "Do you have any friends here?" He asked, breaking the silence.

    The blonde gaped his mouth at the question. Knowing for sure that he'd look like a isolated person with his answer. Quickly twiddling his thumbs didn't work to think of any other replies.

    "No." He widened his eyes and looked at the guy to see sympathy painted on his face, "N-Not that it's like- Uh- you know?"

     He shook his head, "I don't know, I'm sorry."

    "Well- I- Ugh. I'm jus' not good at that shit. People are confusing, and I'm always afraid I'll eff something up." He placed a hand on his mouth and dragged it down his face immediately after that. Upset he was opening up to a stranger.

   Letting out a small chuckle, he eyed him, "Seems as though you're doing pretty good right now?"

     Ryuji scrunched up his nose, "Dude. I'm dying inside right now... Talking to people is so hard, and I always hate trying to get words out without sounding stupid."

     "Aye, stop it, you're not stupid Ryuji." The blondes heart fell at hearing his name from the guys lips.

    He stopped in front of their dorm and sighed, facing him, "I don't even know your name and I'm tellin' you all my feelings like you're my therapist."

    "It's Ren." He shrugged, "And, I'll tell you what. How about we be friends?.. You know- So we're not lonely?"

     He went red in the face, and hoped that the cold nipping at his nose covered it, "O- Okay!"

    _Ew._ He thought as Ren gave him a genuine smile. _Why was I so excited? How did this even happen? And why did I say so much?_

    Once inside, Ryuji placed a hand on his doorknob and turned to see the feathery haired guy standing at his own room. Waving at him as he opened up his door.

    He went to his bed. And threw himself down to evaluate all the mistakes he just made

 

 

 

 

 

  
    

    

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will pick up I promise! 
> 
> Give me feedback! I love comments!


	3. Chapter 3

     Ryuji felt something hit the back if his head as he took notes in the lecture hall. Finding it hard to ignore, he whipped around and scowled. Spotting a framilar cocky smile three rows back.

     Ren rested his chin on his hand and waved. Causing Ryuji to roll his eyes and sit back into his seat, trying his best to keep his attention to the professor. The nagging feeling of having the feathery haired boy behind him clouded his learning ability. _Was he staring? Could he not concentrate now too?_

     If he weren't a wimp. He probably would've yelled at Ren when they got outside. Fall leaves crinkled under their feet as they detoured through the grass to the park. Where they would try and study by the pond. Emphasis on _try_.

      "I have nothing to work on." Ren huffed, plopping down on the bench and crossing his legs. Silver eyes gazing over the water.

        Shrugging, Ryuji brought out his notebook, "Not my fault you finsh everything at like, three in the mornin'. You can leave if you're bored."

        He sat in silence for a moment, pressing his lips together and taking his eyes from the pond to look at him, "Someone's cranky."

       "W- I'm not trying to be. I jus' don't want you sitting here 'cause you feel bad for me." He left his hands in his lap and watched his friends expression change.

       "I feel bad that you never have any fun." He leaned back into the bench, frowning, "You're always studying."

         Ryuji began to bounce his leg, "I just don't wanna fail. I struggled throughout high school and I want college to be different..." He paused and looked at Ren, "Am I tryin' too hard?"

        "No," He shook his head and looked off into the distance, "But, you can still do stuff out of learning. Have you even went to a party yet?"

        "Uhh- Well-" Ren had almost immediately cut Ryuji off.

     His voice was light, "I'm taking that as a no."

      _You can't go to a party if you're never invited to one right?_ His mind worked against him. Wondering how many times Ren had been to a sorority rager, or if he had ever been to a blowout. He seemed like the person who was always asked to go.  
     
     "Don't ya need a invitation to a party?.. Like, how many invites have you gotten to go to one of those?" Ryuji raised a brow and looked to Ren with interest.

       His shoulders fell, "Uh... maybe, like, one... But! Clubs always exsist! We could go to one of those!"

       The blond looked offended, leaning away from Ren, "What do you mean by, 'we'? Who said I'd go out- an' we can't even get in dude, we ain't old enough."

       "We could pass as 20, just have to get fake IDs." He crossed his arms and smiled.

     Admittedly, Ryuji felt like he needed every excuse to not go out. Ren had seemed so excited to bring him along, and that, he couldn't pass up. No matter how bad he sweat when he thought of all those people, he needed to do something for once. He needed to face his fear of crowds.

     Living in Tokyo was fine for his social anxiety surprisingly. Everyone kept to themselves, and Ryuji could travel the subways and streets just fine. However, school seemed so much more different. You needed to know people, and you had to keep your scared self under control..

     Department stores got to him too. He hated feeling eyes on him, and absolutely felt nervous while shopping. From workers asking him if he needed something, to paying. It was a mess. Thinking about all the small things that might make him seem weird. _Like, how long are you supposed to be in here? Have I been in here too long? Am I going to get judged for buying this?_

     "We could have so much fun Sakamoto, just think about it." Ren layed a hand on Ryuji's shoulder. Not knowing just how much he actually _was_ thinking.

     Ryuji played with his hands, avoiding looking at his friend, "There's gonna be alcohol right?"

     Ren nodded and laughed, "Of course."

      He stared directly into Rens eyes, "Don't let me drink then."

      Unfortunately. He did drink.

     The boy had no control of himself with any sort of alcohol. And Ren had witnessed it first hand an hour into the clubbing. Watching Ryuji flail around on the dance floor, slurring his speech, and being more bubbly than he'd ever been.

     He openly flirted with anyone in the vicinity, even with Ren. Which he'd be mortified of just thinking about it sober. Drunken rambles with complete strangers as Ren held him up, legs apperantly 'like jello,' as he had said. Right before he fell to the ground. Feeling more like a chaperone than a friend, the raven haired boy was actually enjoying himself. Despite having to look after blubbering child with very impared judgment.

     They'd made a trip to the bathroom, and enjoyed a great bonding experience as Ryuji vomited. Ren making sure he didn't fall into the toilet as he patted his back.

     "Ugh." Ryuji grunted, lifting his head and closing his eyes, "This effin' suuuuucks man. Why'd ya let me drink... Dude."

     Ren shook his head and held back a snicker, "I don't know buddy."

     He lay a cheek on the toilet seat and looked at Ren, squinting to focus on his face, "My dad, he was an alcoholic ya know?"

     "He uhhhh, yeah. He was one bad dude, man. Abusive n' shit. Goddddd he was an asshole!" His fists pounded the tile lazily, "I don't wanna be like him."

     "You're not like him Ryuji. You're a funny drunk." Ren smiled and leaned his head against the wall of the stall. Looking at his friend struggle to blink.

     "Gee I'd hope I'm not like him!" He shouted, looking into the toilet, "He was such a butt-face, you don't even know... dude."

     Bringing his knees up to his chest, Ren reached out and patted his back again, "It's alright, you don't have to tell me this stuff. Just-"

     He was cut off when Ryuji lifted up his shirt to show a scar. Quickly retracting his hands. The mark long and thin, it looked as if it was healing, although, the marks where stitches showed just how bad it was, "See man? Whatta bastard huh? Cut me with glass."

"Ryuji." Ren almost whispered pushing away the hand from keeping his shirt up, "You shouldn't show me this kind of stuff right now."

      "Nah." He waved him off, "T's fine bro. I trust you so much, it's not even funny. Like, I'd prolly give ya my kidney right now if you asked. 'Cuz you're such a cool dude."

     After he puked one more time, Ren hauled him from the club. Knowing he'd be too much to handle if they stayed any longer, he thought getting him home would be the best thing for the both of them.

    Ryuji couldn't feel anything. His whole body numb in his state, that he swore they teleported outside. Cool air hitting his face and making him scrunch his nose.

     The initial walk was fine. His feet moving just fine until they'd turned onto campus. Hitting the grass, and a whole new wave of drunkenness. Dizzy feelings hitting hard. He toppled over and brought Ren down with him.

     Both landing on their backs. Ryuji started to giggle and looked at his newfound friend. Uncaring that he just made him crash to the ground. And ignoring that he might've hurt him.

     "Your eyes are beautiful Ren. Have I told you that?" Ryuji grinned, reaching out at the sky.

     Pinching the bridge of his nose, Ren sighed, "Yes, you've said it about five times tonight."

     He singled out stars and was amazed by the darkness above him, "Good.... They look so nice against the night sky dude.

      "You compliment a lot when you're drunk, you know?" Ren sat up and looked down at the blond, who was now humming to himself. Eyes squeezed shut, and hands resting on his stomach.

     " Woah dude." He rolled over and put his face into the grass, pushing himself up, "I'm hella tired. Can we go home?"

     Ren laughed and rolled his eyes, "Well I've been trying to get you there for a while. You think you can walk?"

     Before he could even blink, Ryuji was on his feet, "Walking is for losers, I'm running. I effin' love running!"

     Widening his eyes, Ren struggled to get up as the blond began to sprint down the sidewalk. Breathing heavily and feeling the pain in his calfs as he ran. Never getting even close to him.

      Seeing the dorms up ahead, Ryuji stopped and turned to the black haired boy huffing trying to catch up. Haulting at his side and placing his hands on his knees, he heaved and looked up at his friend with annoyance.

     When he was getting ready, and put on a dress shirt and nice shoes, he didn't expect to run through campus later in the night. Sweat trickling down his back as he stood up straight, his heart finally started to beat normally.

     "I was on track." Ryuji said matter-of-factly, proud of himself.

      Narrowing his eyes, Ren held back his sourness, "I can tell."

     Suddenly, hands were at Rens collar, and Ryuji pulled his face an inch away from his. Noses almost touching, he tried to look into his eyes, and tried _not_ to look at the peice of hair that was in his way.

     "You know what? I love you." He grinned.

   Pushing Ren away, and spinning around, Ryuji was suddenly the happiest he'd been all night, "I fucking love you man!!!!"

    Like a switch. He stopped and covered his mouth. Eyes widened and legs shook. He was distraught and Ren could only stand and grimace as Ryuji had another meltdown.

    "I said the f-word..." His voice was shaky.

   And to end the night, Ryuji began to sob uncontrollably.

 

  
    

       

         

     

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed a drunk Ryuji... He's the opposite of his normal self, and I really loved writing this!
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated! I love comments


	4. Chapter 4

    Something made a noise, and Ryuji opened his eyes. Encased in something comfortable that he knew wasn't his own bed, he was too afraid to position his blurry gaze on whatever made the sound. Looking up at the celing, and dreading moving his eyes anywhere else.

     "Are you awake?" The voice said, and Ryuji felt like he should sink into the mattress and disappear.  
  
     It smelled like coffee wherever he was... And Ryuji _hated_ coffee. Much rather prefering warm tea over the bitterness of those black beans. It was so strong it actually hurt his nose.

      Rens face hovered over his suddenly, "Are you dead?"

     Ryuji sure as hell felt like it. Eyelids so heavy, unable to process anything that was going on around him. He struggled just to put any words out, feeling like shit, he sighed, "I wish."

    It was darker wherever he was. It felt like morning, but like the sun wasn't there. Wondering wether or not it was raining, he couldn't be bothered to look. His head weighed too much at that moment. And it didn't help that he was acting like this in the presence of Ren.

     The caffeine smell was still evident, but had died down slightly. Making Ryuji curious about his surroundings even more. _Was there a coffee machine? This definitely couldn't be his place if there was one. Plus, the position he was laying in was the opposite of how his quarters were._

    "Where am I?" He asked, not knowing where his friend was in the room. Closing his eyes again to take on whatever situation he found himself in.

     He was close, "My dorm."

     Oh... _oh.._.

     That was his cue to shoot up out of the bed. Frantically glancing around a room that wasn't his, seeing dark blues and blacks. The place was nicely put together. But he was too busy freaking out to think about that.

     Eyes fell upon Ren, sitting in a chair with a cup in his hands, "Wh- Where- What the 'eff happened last night!"

      _There's where the smell came from_.

     "I know why you don't like drinking now... in more ways than one..." He took a sip from his coffee and looked away.

      Burying his face in his hands, Ryuji was undoubtedly upset. Knowing how bad things got when he became drunk was enough to tell him of what went down at the clubs. Not needing an explanation to know he did something stupid.

     "Oh my god." He was muffled in his palms, "I'm so dumb."

     "Hey man, it's fine. I still had a good time, and it seemed like you did too." Ren shrugged, smug smile painted on his lips.

      Ryuji felt like throwing up, "I can't believe you're even talking to me after that... I can't believe I drank alcohol. I- I broke my vow to- oh god."

      Ren was trying to reason, "We all have our demons. I should've tried to stop you, I apologize."

      Looking at Ren like he'd just insulted his mother, Ryuji knitted his brows together, " _You're_ _sorry?_  I was the one who got drunk. I'm just- ugh. I have a bad history with liquor."

      "I'm aware." Ren looked to the floor to avoid Ryuji's confused glare, "You told me in the bathroom last night."

     " _Oh god_!" He cried, falling back into the bed that wasn't his.

      Shaking his head, Ren stood up and set his cup down, "It's honestly alright Ryuji. It was still fun. Everyone does things they regret, but don't let this be one of them."

    He wanted to hit something, because Ren was being so nice to him. Despite being an idotic asshole the night before, the guy understood. He accepted what Ryuji did, and didn't judge him for his past. Much differently than anyone he'd met before.

      It's almost as if everytime he thought of his father, his side hurt. The agony from the fading scar was still evident. Like the mention of his dad reopened the wound.

     Flashing back to the night he let warm blood trickle through his fingers as he lay on the ground. Red spilling onto the kitchen floor, and glass shattered all around. His mom was screaming so loud. The world began to fade, and he swore that he was going to die right there.

     He tried to defend his mother. He shoved his dad, and he didn't like that. The searing pain of a broken beer bottle in his side only started to hurt when he punched his dad in the jaw, and threw him out. This being was the first time he actually feared for his life.

     "Don't let this get you down," Ren brought Ryuji from his dark trance with a warm smile, "You should take a shower."

       Ryuji scoffed, trying to lift the atmosphere, "You sayin' I smell?"

      Stifling a laugh, Ren rolled his eyes, "Yes. Now, get out of my room. You're stinking up the place."

      "You have the room that reeks dude. I swear ya have your own coffee house in here." He bantered before he left and ventured back to his own dorm.

     For only knowing the dude for about two weeks, Ryuji felt like he could trust him with the world. Which, is quite silly. Due to the fact that he hardly knew much about him. He thought maybe he could just shove that to the side.

      It seemed like he was the first real friend he ever had. Which, was kinda sad to think about. Ren being the only person to voluntarily hang out with him, he accepted his awkwardness, joked around with him... Stuff he'd never been able to do before.

      Almost everytime he thought of their friendship, however, Ryuji's mind shadowed him. _What if he just feels bad, and is pitying you? What if I say something wrong? Does he actually care about what I say? Or is he around me because he's bored?_

      Maybe Ren could bring Ryuji out of his shell. For once, he could try not to be nervous in public. Not fearing the strangers walking past... All being a possibility when he hung around with the guy. He was calm and collected, yet could be so reckless and humorous. Not to mention how outgoing he was despite being very quiet at times.

     Good looks made up for any flaws he might've had. And Ryuji found it odd that nobody else seemed to associate with Ren. Such a great guy would have all of Japan knocking at his door. However, he'd never seen anyone but himself around him.

  _Come to think of it, Ren shoved off any questions he asked about him._ He'd asked the simple ones, like, "where are you from?" "What did you do in high school?" _Did he not trust Ryuji? Was he concealing something?_

     Paranoia was never a good thing. And he had to will himself not to do a refined Internet search on his newfound friends name. 

       If he had any secrets, there would be a time where he would be able to tell Ryuji. And as much as it nagged at his curious tendencies, he had to put it on the back burner.

     Ren Amamiya didn't look like the type of guy to be hiding anything bad. He was sweet, and a good person.

Although, all Ryuji could do is only hope he wasn't hiding anything.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't have school today so I popped out another chapter! Hope you enjoyed our paranoid, hungover Ryuji!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Futaba has been added as a character. I didn't want to spoil, so I'll add her in the tag now! 
> 
> I aged her down compared to Ren and Ryuji due to me wanting her to be still in school. She also goes to the same place as Yusuke, in which he is a student still. I'm thinking maybe he's 17 in this.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

     Ryuji finally got the chance to learn of Rens family when he was asked to watch his little sister. Due to their dad going on a trip, and Ren having some night classes, he was cool with babysitting. It meant he could be on another level with his friend.

    All he knew was that her name was Futaba, and that she might be a bit much at times. She went to an art school, and was very hyper. Which Ryuji couldn't grasp. Her being Rens sister and all. He would've thought she'd be gentle and collected like her brother.

     Ren abandoned him in the livingroom of a dark house situated deep in the city. Not expecting this to be where he'd grown up, his questions went unanswered as Ren left him quickly. Standing idly in the middle of a home. No child in sight.

     "Hello? I'm- uh. Here to watch you!" He called out into the empty home.

     He wracked his brain to remember her name, "Fut... Fut- ugh. It's me, Ryuji? Rens friend?"

     Suddenly someone emerged from the kitchen, causing Ryuji to shreik in terror. The shadowy figure scaring him so much, he stumbled backwards and almost tripped over the coffee table.

      "I know you." The voice was high, yet so sinister, "Sakamoto Ryuji. Shujin Academy graduate, track star, born July 3rd. B bloodtype, and approximately 65 kg."

     Still shielding himself from the person, he felt threatened. Unable to process anything. His heart dropped to his knees, "What the- How the 'eff do you know all that!?"

     A hand reached out through the darkness, skin so pale, and nails painted black, "I'm Futaba. Rens... sister. And- I hacked into your files online."

     Undoubtedly uncomfortable, he squinted at the girl and shook her noticeably clammy hands. Desperate for a conversation changer, "How uh- How old are you exactly?"

      She yanked her hand away crossed her arms, "Fourteen."

        "Why the hell do I need to babysit you then?" Ryuji realized he'd come out rather harsh in saying that.

       Beginning to walk circles around the blond, she noticed his stiff posture. And could practically smell the anxiety coming off of him, seeing something of fear painted on his face. Her goal was to make him feel awkward, and she was achieving it quite well.

        "Sojiro doesn't trust me... The last time I was left alone I forgot to eat for three days." She stopped in front of him and turned her head. Eyeing him with intensenes, trying to profile him.

       It was bad that he had to tell himself to breathe, tight feeling in his chest not disappearing any time soon. Of course he couldn't help to feel intense. With a little girl practically interrogating him.

        He'd have to assume Sojiro was Rens dad. Because all Ren had ever mentioned was that their guardian was leaving for the night. _Did they have a strained relationship? He wondered why he  didn't call him his father_.

       "You know, you don't look gay." She said out of nowhere, stepping forward with her hands behind her back. Causing the boy to look down as she glanced up at him.

         Eyes going large, he twisted his face in horror and swore he felt a stroke coming on, "What the 'eff! Who said I was gay?!"

         She dulled her eyes, "You're on a gay dating website. Does, Trackkid99 sound framilar?"

          "Jesus..." He clutched his chest and willed himself to take air into his lungs, "I'm not just gay for your information. Ya creep... I like girls too."

         "So are you trying to get with my brother? From your guy's texts, you two seem a bit chummy..." Futaba watched the boy writhe in embarrassment.

        "No! And why are you snooping in other people's lives!" He realized that he was practically screaming at a little girl.

     She shrugged and started to walk down a dark hallway, "Because I can Sakamoto. I'll be in my room, don't forget to check on me or Sojiro will have your head."

     Almost slamming her door, Ryuji stood aimlessly in the desolate home. Looking around the room as he collected himself, almost already at wits end with the girl. She was a fireball, from her personality, to her hair.

      Ren had only spoke once or twice about his sister, and claimed she was nice, and kind. And as he stared at a closed door, he started to think that his friends opinions might be a bit scewed. Due to them being siblings and all, of course he had good things to say about her.

     However, the home was much like Ren in the sense of neutral colors. Greys, blacks, whites. Nothing seemed to pop except Futabas bedroom, to which the neon green caught his eyes just by getting a small glimpse when she opened the door. It immediately spawned the thought of where Rens room was. But, he decided to stick to the livingroom.

      He noticed that there was practically no photos.

     Just two. What seemed like a school photo of Futaba and Ren, were the only family pictures around. Odd, due to the fact that Ryuji knew the area, and that the school uniform his pal wore was not at all what Ren was wearing in the picture.

    Their dad had no inkling that they even were a family from the decor. And it was obvious that the mother figure was absent. He started thinking deeply about what Rens life was about. _Why couldn't he tell him anything? He'd spoke of his father... even if he was drunk and didn't mean to, shouldn't he get some compensation?_

     It was also fishy that Ren and Futaba didn't look alike, or have the same last name... _Was he adopted? He couldn't be...._

     "Hey." Ryuji was drawn to the squeak of the orange haired girl, head peaking through her doorway. He popped his gaze from the room, to her, "Wanna come play some video games instead of standing there?"

     Surprised at her showing any sort of kindness, he faltered, "Oh. Ye- Yeah! Sounds cool!"

      It was almost a struggle to move his feet, but ultimately he decided to bond with Rens sister. Sauntering into her bedroom and almost instantly becoming overwhelmed by its contents.

      _How many computer monitors do you need?_ He thought, counting just how many tech items she possessed. And knowing why she could know so much about him. Figuring with all the fancy machines she had, she was bound to be a tech genius.

      He squinted as he sat down and picked up a controller, spotting a picture frame. It was her and another boy, him being tall and with hair that covered his face. It was obvious they went to Kosei High just by their uniforms. He remembered Ren saying she'd gone for computer arts, which from looking at her room, was understandible.

     Pointing at it, he looked to Futaba, "Is that your boyfriend?"

     Quickly she went red, snatching the photo and throwing it behind her. Then smacking Ryuji on the arm with her cheeks puffed out and brows furrowed, "No! That's Inari! I would never date that dummy!"

     Scootching away from the swarm of abuse, Ryuji began to laugh, "Okay! Okay!"

     She tilted her head and eyed him suspiciously, "You're not as awkward as you seem Sakamoto. Once you're comfortable, you're not half bad you know?"

     "O- Thanks?" He was trying hard to not make her go back on her sudden streak of being nice.

     "Before we play, I'm gonna be real here buddy," She paused and twisted her chair to look at Ryuji, "I know the feeling of having social anxiety-"

     He knitted his brows together, "How do you know I have social anxiety?"

      Clamping her mouth together, she looked at the ground, "I may have gotten ahold of your doctor records online- But that's not important! Listen!"

     "Anyway, it takes a special person to bring you out of that hole of despair. For me, Yusuke," She gestured to the picture frame lying on the floor, "Helped me overcome my fear of going out in public."

     Ryuji continued to take on the young girls wisdom with intent. Listening with everything he had, he couldn't help but to notice that she had a sudden switch in personality. And that he enjoyed this version of her better. Hoping this is what Ren had meant when he described her.

     She looked passed the guy in front of her, avoiding his eyes entirely, "Ren helped me as well when he ca- When I needed it. So, if he acts a little strange sometimes, just know he's trying to make you comfortable."

     He nodded, and gave her a small grin of graditude, "Thank you Futaba. I'm glad we can relate to bein' all anxious n' shit."

     Clicking on a game, she looked to Ryuji out of the corner of her eye, "I can hack into Rens camera sometimes. And i'm sure if you ever need to be outgoing again, we can just get you drunk..."

     Dropping his mouth, he was mortified, "It was one time!"

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

     Futaba crossed her arms and looked at the two boys standing in front of her. Narrowing her eyes at Ren, she had a hint of suspicion in her voice, "Who's jacket is that?"

       Looking down and picking at the purple fabric, Ren smiled graciously, "Ryuji's. He lent me it."

        "How romantic." She cooed, mocking the pair. Watching as Ren laughed, and Ryuji adverting his gaze, scarlet cheeks almost as bright as the coat.

       They continued to venture down the sidewalk. The traffic of people walking noticably less dense than usual, and the cars on the road could actually move at a steady pace instead of being stopped. When this happened, Ryuji felt it set the mood for a peaceful day.

     An art gallery came into view, and suddenly Futaba started to lag behind. Wracking her hands as she was noticably anxious. This was her first time ever having her work featured. And fkrzt years don't normally get this opportunity.

       "Thanks for invitin' me." Ryuji looked over his shoulder and watched Futaba bring her head up.

         Offense ridden face, she scoffed, "I never invited you. Ren did. I've only met you like, twice... idiot."

          The words slightly hurt Ryuji, but his past had taught him to take the harsh insults and pass them off. He was so used to them, that he barely even noticed her call him a name, "Well- I- uh- I think that's damn well enough time to go see your art."

        Ren was glad that Ryuji didn't retaliate and say something snarky back at Futaba. Remembering their tiff from last time when she called him a mean word, "I'm excited, what about you?"  

       Shrugging, she could feel her knees begin to become weak, "I- I don't know. My peice is going next many experienced artists works, it's nothing special."

        "Psh, I'm sure it's amazin'. Remember dude, you gotta start somewhere." Ryuji caught Rens appreciatve look and let a small smile out as a reply. Knowing his friend enjoyed it when he was uplifting.

       Upon going in the building, they waited for Futaba to be ready to go. Watching as she did the breathing exercises she'd found    
online, hoping they'd calm her nerves. Ren and Ryuji stood next to each other quietly and let her do her thing.

        She fixed her dress skirt and sighed into the wall. Pushing herself past the boys to enter the art exhibit. Seeing her classmates talking with people interested in their peices, she felt  like the room was spinning. The number of the crowd was okay. But, it didn't help much. She wasn't afraid of people today.

       Ryuji nudged his friend, "I wish I went to a prissy school like this one..."

         Nodding, Ren took in the area, "Seems like it's a nice place."

          Following the girl through the mess of people, they were brought to a hologram display of planets. A small plaque read, 'Sakura, Futaba.' And, fortunately, it had a decent ammount of people looking at it.

         Viewing the small particles that made up their galaxy, Ryuji was amazed at the spectacle. Today was going to be okay. He thought, getting a feel for the atmosphere. Anxiety wasn't rising, he was out with his friend, and was actually having a nice time. No stray thoughts ruined the day.

       It was nice to actually feel normal for once. And he wanted to soak it in as much as he possibly could. Standing in a room, looking around at all the people, _he wasn't afraid_. He was comfortable, and he was enjoying himself. Not remembering the last time he actually felt as free as this.

      With Ren by his side, he was a totally different person. And as much as it pained him to try and not be embarrassing around him, the guy seemed to radiate confidence. _Even if he could be a little awkward, Ren was a good person._

      Futaba was asked about her art by and old lady. And it started a string of people interested in knowing what it was all about. Making her palms sweaty, she muddled through the fear of the public, and explaining her process of creating her peice.

        The two boys stood against the wall, watching as she rode through her explanations easily. Ren was content, and had a smile that reeked of proudness, "I'm glad she's doing something like this."

      Ryuji gazed at his friend, loving how the glow of the lights looked on him. Making him seem more warm and fuzzy than he actually was, "Shit, I wish I was as brave as her."

      He looked to Ryuji out of the corner of his eyes, his frames blocking any inkling that he was focused on him, "You've been doing a lot better in public situations lately."

       "H- Have I?" He stared at his shoes and tried hard not to blush.

      Nodding, Ren put his shoulder to the wall and let gleefullness take over his face, observing Ryuji, "Yes. And, I should thank you. You've helped Futaba come out of her shell too."

      Confused, he faced the dude, "How?"

       "Well," He paused, glancing at Futaba bouncing around various people, telling them about her art with excitement riddled everywhere, "You both have social anxiety problems. And by you going out and doing things, I think it inspired her."

        Sucking in his bottom lip, Ryuji was hiding his happiness, loathing the kind words Ren was saying. He didn't know what the girl was like before he'd met him. But, he hoped that him trying to be more outgoing actually helped her.

      Of course, it wasn't like he did it by himself... The fluffy haired guy that stood next to him was the one who brought him from his dark hole of loneliness. _Ren reached into the pit of dispair and yanked him into situations where he had to face his fears._ _Anxiousness seemed to disappear when he was around._

      Not looking at Ren, Ryuji scratched his neck and watched people walk by, "I should thank you too dude. I- I dunno how, but you made me less scared to be... out here. I'm- I feel like a different guy around you... Ya know?"

       Ren tilted his head slightly, "No, I don't follow."

       "Damn... Well, I guess when you're near, I feel free." He smiled at his friend and watched him go stone faced.

       Clutching his chest, he mimicked pain and leaned down, "Oh, oh no, you've killed me with kindness."

        Ryuji rolled his eyes, nudging Ren as he shook his head and thwarted any laughing, "You're a dork... I'm just tellin' the truth."

    Once the art gallery ended, and they walked Futaba home. They both made their way back to the campus. Feeling light and airy, the two joked the whole way. Snickering at each other relentlessly.

    _This is what life is supposed to be like... This was what fun felt like, and he wished it could go on forever. He loved every minute of what he was feeling._. 

      Then it was washed away. He turned to look behind him and saw something he never wanted to see again. Immediately throwing him into a dark place, he could feel himself begin to shake as memories flooded back.

      _He couldn't ignore it. He- He can't ignore him_.

      Ryuji swore he was having a heart attack. Panicking so bad, he could feel himself slip into a dizzy state. Not catching the attention of his friend as he stopped against a tree and began to fall apart.

      It took another few steps for Ren to notice the blond had haulted. Pale face and dilated pupils, Ryuji didn't look good at all. And Ren immediately caught on that something was wrong, standing in front of him with concern.

       Letting out a shaky breath, Ryuji stared into Rens eyes, "I- I just saw my- oh god. Shit. Shit. Shit."

      "Ryuji? Who was it?" Ren peered around the tree and looked around the park. Seeing nobody but themselves, "Are you alright?"

       Someone rounded the corner and turned to look at the two. Stopping in his tracks to whip around, a large smile spread across his lips. Making Ren sense some sort of danger, and uncomfortableness. Glancing back to Ryuji whos mind was somewhere far in space.

       He adjusted his glasses and looked up and down the man, "Uh.. Hi?"

       Placing a hand on his chest, the guy let out a loud laugh. Adjusting his weight as he got a smug look on his face, "Hello. I was just walking by and I know your friend over there... Sakamoto..?"

        Ryuji lifted his head and knitted his brows together in pain. The sight of him made his stomach twist, and he held back his incline to vomit. He was so cheery. But he knew it was a facade.

        "Hey- uh...Kamoshida."

 

       

      

       

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :000 cliffhanger!! Who's ready for some angst!?


	7. Chapter 7

     Ryuji was desperately trying not to hyperventilate. The full blown panic attack he was having only began once the coach was out of view. Ren had to practically carry him back to the dorms he was so weak. _Such a failure, he couldn't  even face his problems._

       He sat on the floor in his friends room, head buried in his knees, chest rising and falling at an unhealthily high rate. The place he put himself into was cold, and dark, and he didn't really know if he could pull himself from it.  _He felt like complete shit... funny how one person could do that to you..._

       Alone in the room, he appreciated Ren leaving him. Waiting patiently outside in the hall for Ryuji to calm down enough to speak. If he even wanted to talk about it.

       Kamoshida was a rough slate in his memories. And him just, showing up out of nowhere, ruined his day completely. Evident as he was bunched up crying in a room that wasn't his. Which, he liked he could guess, thinking that with his dorm, he would be too far gone, and might've not have ever opened the door for Ren to come in.

       Picking at the carpet, he looked around the place with his tear streaked face. Looking at his neat bed, and his organized closet, Rens room felt like a therapy office. Clean and calming made Ryuji in turn, feel much better.

      Despite that it still smelled of coffee, he still felt lighter in the space. Looking at the mound of plushies he had on his desk, it made the blond laugh a bit. Thinking of such a collective guy like Ren, winning toys from a machine just to keep in his room, ultimately was the one thing that had brought Ryuji back from the  dark space in his head.

      There was a knock at the door, and lifting his head, Ryuji saw a tuft of black hair between the cracks when it opened slightly. Not sure of anything, Ren stood halfway outside, "Can I come in?"

       Nodding, Ryuji watched his friend walk in. Slowly making his way to the bed, he sat with a straight back. Hands resting his his lap, Ren didn't say anything. He just looked at Ryuji, and waited for him to be ready to talk.

       "I'm sorry you had to see that." Ryuji said, muffled in his arms.

        He couldn't see any facial expressions, but he knew Ren was stone faced, "It's okay..." he paused and Ryuji saw it coming, "Who was that?"

         Not knowing if he was really ready to dig back into his past, Ryuji looked up at his friend. Feeling as if getting everything out would make him feel better, "A huge dick... or, ya know, my track coach."

        Ren stayed quiet and let Ryuji continue, "He was.. Abusive. It was so bad, I'm pretty sure everyone on my team has scars."

       Leaning back, Ryuji pulled up his pantleg and showcased his knee. Obvious surgery lines marred his skin, and discomfort filled his face as he looked away in shame, "I got the worst of it."

        "You should've said something... I could've punched him." Ren watched as he carefully covered the scar again.

          "I used to be a violent person back then. Used to get in tiffs with people all the time. It's why he did what he did. Cause I was tired of him pushin' us so hard, and tired of him being a jerk that I spoke up..."

       With a dark look in his eyes, he lay his chin to his knees, "And he ruined my future track career for it."

        The black haired boy was noticably saddened, "I'm so sorry. None of this is fair."

       "We don't know for sure, but, he sexually assaulted the girls too. Which, is way worse than what happened to me. He even made a girl try to kill herself." The blond closed his eyes, squeezing them as tight as he could.

        Clutching his comforter, Ren looked into his lap to hide his obvious disgust, "Did you tell anyone?"

         Nodding, Ryuji thought back, "Hell yeah. It did nothing dude, he was excellin' our teams so much, nobody wanted to confront his ugly ass."

     Letting everything settle. Ryuji did feel better, embarrasses he acted like that in front of Ren. _Did he think I was too much? Was this too emotional? What will this do to change how we interact._

     "So." He was going to punch himself later for what came out of his mouth. All the curiosity from the times he'd hung out with his friend built up, "Why haven't you told me anythin' about you?.. You basically know my whole life now."

      Fear flashed through his eyes, quickly adverting his gaze from his friend sitting on the ground, "You know plenty."

      Furrowing his brow, Ryuji sat back, "Not really. I've tried my best to peice together what you've told me. And nothing makes sense to me."

     "Futaba is your sister, she has a different last name and she goes to Kosei. The photos from your dads home, which there are hardly any, and you don't have the same last name either- show a different uniform from the schools in that area-" He pressed his mouth in a line and watched his friend hide his face with his hair.

     "I'm sorry, I don't think I'm ready to tell you all that right now." Ren met Ryuji's offended stare.

      _Oh?.. So, he was hiding something._

      Without thinking, Ryuji scoffed, "I respect that. But, to me, it's bullshit. Like, Jesus Ren. I've told you so much, an' I can't help but to worry that you're hiding somethin' from me."

       _Don't get too offended, you might mess up everything. Stop being a loudmouth. Nobody likes a loudmouth._

       Ren shook his head, "No-"

     Inturupting him, Ryuji tried to not show the hurt he had felt, "Do... Do you not trust me?"

      The boy widened his eyes, showing off his lashes in a dramatic way, "That's not it at all."

     He stood up, balling his hands into fists to occupy his anger, "Then what is it?! What did I do wrong to not let me in? Am I too 'effed up for you? Have you just been my friend for pity? I literally told you my darkest parts of my past... It's bullshit!"

      Taken back, the black haired boy started to shake his head vigorously, "No Ryuji it's not you- trust me."

     "Trust you? It's hard with what I've gone through to not think everything is my fault. Look at me, I'm ruinin' something with my insecurities because I can't think straight. " He was fuming, taking a defensive stance. Head swirling with distress.

      "Ryuji. Calm down." Ren too got to his feet and put his hands up to defer his friends eratic actions, knowing he was in a dark place at the moment.

     Making a beeline for the door, he tried to thwart any tears, "No. Man, I can't do this, I- I can't."

       _He was too emotional and had let it get the best of him... He was a terrible person._

     He left before Ren could say anything else. Practically sprinting down the hallway to his room. _Running away from his problems yet again._  Ryuji had never felt more worthless in years. Collapsing to the floor as he slammed the door shut. All his anger subsiding into sadness, and disappointment.

     Wondering what he just ruined. Because he couldn't keep his mouth shut...

     

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angsty angst mcangsterton huh!?


	8. Chapter 8

Who would've thought avoiding someone could be so hard?

      Ryuji swore that Ren could teleport, because, it couldn't be a coincidence that he showed up whenever he went right? He couldn't study in the library in peace without him sauntering in to do god-knows-what.

     Maybe he needed to stop being so paranoid. Stop hiding behind people to escape the embarrassment of facing him... It sucked to feel so bad of your actions, that it affected what you did every day. Constantly looking around for the guy to appear was straight up giving him paranoia.

      _It's all his fault, he's a dumbass. Some people feel differently and he's an idiot for not getting tha_ t.

     The one day he mustered up anything remotely consistent of confidence, he saw Ren sitting in the commons of their dorms. About three days after he blew up at him, he sat with some girl Ryuji had never seen. Noticing they weren't busy at the moment, he began to approach them.

      Hands sweaty and heart racing, Ryuji faced the monster of anxiety head on. Flashing back to his outburst that ruined what he had loved. Knowing that an apology wouldn't be able to come out any other time.

      _He can't be upset, it's impossible for Ren to feel upset. Even if he hated Ryuji he would never be able to voice it with words. He was a calm person, he was nice..._

       "H-Hey," Ryuji held his hands together tightly, watching the feathery haired guy turn his head. The world stopped, and he told himself not to freeze up, "I'm- I... I uh-"

       _Dumb. This was dumb. He's stupid._ Thoughts swirled while he watched Ren. Trying not to say anything more he would regret.

        Not being able to finish, Ren cut him off, "Can't you see we're busy? I'm not going to talk to you right now. So-"  
     
_Oh no. He messed everything up, didn't he?_

         Slapping a hand over his mouth, Ryuji didn't let him finish either. Sick to his stomach at the words that just came out. Knowing he really screwed it up, he felt the ramen he ate hours before come up. Stepping back in horror. He let his feet carry him away, practically running to the bathrooms.

         It was over for him. He was done of exsisting as he was. A pathetic loser who couldn't control his emotions.

      Now he sat on the cool tile of a bathroom, leaning against a stall, with the fresh feeling of puking his guts out. It sure felt similar to him. But he couldn't pinpoint how.  
   
      The feeling of disappointment was overwhelming. The fact that he ruined a perfectly good relationship with his actions killed him. He hated who he was. He hated it with so much passion, what he could give to be someone else.

      Reinventing himself could give him a new change. Maybe, it'd boost any self esteem he had left. _If he actually had any to begin with... Throwing up at a confrontation couldn't be less of a boost._

     Fashion was never his thing, and he didn't do makeup. So, when he left the stall and looked at his weary complexion, he decided that he was done being who he was. And spotted the one thing he had presented his loud, obnoxious personality with.

      He had a small amount of money in his pockets, and hoped it could do. Quickly washing out his mouth and dragging himself out of campus was the easy part.

    Pharmacies were everywhere, so he picked a ramdom store and hoped for the best. Wandering down the endless aisles, he couldn't help but to compare them to his mind. Going on forever with so many things in them. Life was so easy for him, but he messed it all up.

     Stopping at the section he wanted, he went over his decision. Staring at a box of black hair dye, and knowing any kind would do, he couldn't help but to acknowledge the pit in his stomach.

     Ryuji was going to dye his hair back to black.

      The shell of a person he was, was going to appear again. Maybe the memories of who he used to be had slightly faded, and maybe this would fix that.

      It felt like a longer walk home. Like the bag he swung effortlessly had weighed so heavy.

      He'd started the process in his room and decided that not bleaching his roots anymore would be a blessing. The mirror he had and the lighting made him look rough. _Ah, yes, he had blame the fact that he was disgusting looking on a mirror?_

     Before he could glop any dye on his gloved fingers, he got a glimpse of what he was at the moment. What situations had brought him to this point...

      No pictures of him with blond hair were good ones. He'd always felt gross. That, he was just ugly, and that nothing could fix that. _Hell, he had lived highschool comfortably with his shit confidence._

     Taking out his phone, he snapped a photo real quick, struggling with the plastic on his fingers. Immediately dropping his phone afterwards to look at the person in his mirror.

     Whoever it was, they looked dead. Sunken in eyes, gross complexion, oily skin, it wasn't a person who was happy. And it couldn't be more obvious. Depression practically radiated from him, the guy seemed like he hadn't felt anything in years...

      And with the first touch of dye to his hair, Ryuji realized that it just might've been true.

      He disregarded the mistakes he made on his skin, and used the whole container to make sure his past self was gone. No more dumbass. No more, _Ryuji Sakamoto, delinquent._

    _And, he'd almost forgot his sorry exuse for eyebrows._

     Room a mess of black, he made his way to the showers to renew himself. Watching the dark go down the drain as he washed away his impurities. His whole past four years of being a ditzy jerk had disappeared before his eyes.

      Once out, hair dried, he thought to himself that nothing was worth it. He looked like the naive kid he was before Kamoshida ruined his life. He looked like he could always be happy. Like his dad was still around, and like he wasn't a screw up.

     The new him was so different it hurt. So used to being a fake blond, that black hardly did him justice. Appearence was everything, and right now he wanted to go right back to how he was. He hated his hair now more than ever.

      Upon exiting the bathroom, his world spun. Watching Ren bound up the stairs, he swallowed nothing. Waiting to see what he'd do when he reached the final step, the feathery haired boy with so many secrets haulted. Wincing at the sight before him.

     Mouth gaped, he stared intensely.

     "Wh-" He couldn't get any words out, pointing to Ryuji's head.

     Touching his hair cautiously, Ryuji faltered, shrinking back in all the attention he was suddenly getting. Surprised eyes prying deep into his soul, "Y-yeah. I.. I wanted to be a new person."

     Taken back, Ren shook his head, looking slightly offended by what he'd just said, "The old you was fine... Was this because of me?"

       Putting up his hands and shaking his head, Ryuji was mortified he'd even thought that, "No! Shit- No!.. It's all my fault man, I ruined so much. I jus' needed to be someone different, because who I was, was so 'effed up."

       " _No_ , Ryuji..." Ren seemed so upset, it messed with Ryuji even more than he already was messed up.

      "I'm sorry. I of all people shoulda known that whatever happened in your past might've been rough. My outburst was wrong... I'm so freakin' sorry." He felt that the hallway wasn't the place to have this conversation.

      Ren ran his hand down his face, "I should be apologizing, I was rude downstairs, I wanted to-"

     "Shaddup and stop tryin' to pin the blame on yourself! It's my fault! And... and, I- I can't let you do that..." Ryuji felt like a shit person for yelling.

     Watching as Ren reached into his bag and pulled out the framilar purple sweatshirt. Ryuji had realized he forgot it exsisted, and felt even more sick than he'd felt all day. Seeing it get shoved twords him, he took it in his hands and held it to his chest.

     "I'm going to give this back now... I'm sorry this has to end like this." Ren lowered his head, turning away from a numb Ryuji, he walked to his dorm.

     Devastated, Ryuji felt tears prick in his eyes. Bracing himself against the wall as his knees started to shake, he slid slowly to the ground in complete agony. Disappointed in himself beyond belief. 

      Once he began crying, he knew he wouldn't be able to move. So he lowered his head into the jacket in his knees and let the salty water soak the fabric. Knowing everything that went wrong, was entirely his fault.

      _This sucked, he sucked, nothing would ever fix this._

      Hearing hard footsteps, he glanced up with tear-ridden eyes at a mortified Ren, "Oh my god I didn't mean to put it that way I'm so sorry!"

      With no sound but sniffles coming from Ryuji, Ren shook his head. Deciding that nothing could heal the hurt except one thing... The truth.

     "I have a criminal record."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating. I've been busy all week with play practice. This chapter, to me, seems rushed, and I'm sorry.
> 
> Feedback is welcomed!


	9. Chapter 9

     Ryuji was correct in thinking hallways were not the best place to cry and let out feelings. So they sat in Rens room. Facing each other directly, Ryuji couldn't help but to gawk at his reflection in the guys glasses. Seeing black hair was so... unusual.

      He'd never imagined such a somber guy to have a criminal record. Ren was such a great person, and to think of him in that light was quite scary. There are days when he'd look at him, bathed in the golden light peaking through the park trees. He'd looked so angelic. For sure, a kid like that couldn't be a thug.

      If he could push through the haze of his secret, it would be okay. Everything could go back. Ryuji just had to will himself not to give in and judge him like the others may have.

     "It was such a nice night." Ren cleared the silence, looking to his lap with dismay of his memories.

     "I saw a woman being harassed, and, I- my hands moved before I could think. The attacker fell and hit his head, and... I was sued." The guy swallowed hard and swished the coffee in his mug.

      Looking up to see Ryuji's intense stare, he felt at peace with finally opening up to someone, "I was sent away by my parents, they were so ashamed... And, Sojiro took me in as a probation guardian..."

       Ryuji could feel the tenseness creeping around the corners of the room. Ren being sucked into a dark place, "People are dicks."

         It drew a laugh from Ren, and Ryuji took pride in that, "My hometown knew everything. I it was hard go back after that, and I'd formed such a nice bond with Futaba and Sojiro."

      "I spent my summers and break with them. Any chance I got really, I went back to Tokyo. I graduated, left home, and came to here. Sojiro became more of a adopted family. And, my criminal record will be cleared in two years." He shifted uncomfortably with those words. Knowing that he was nothing close to a bad person.

        Silence grew, and Ryuji felt his heart ache, "I don't know why you thought I wouldn't understand ya Ren."

        Stifling a small laugh, he leaned back and looked to the celing, "I don't even understand it Ryu... Every person I've been close to has disappeared when they learned of my past."

        "I know the feeling. Trust me dude. People are straight up assholes when it comes to emotional baggage. And, I should've considered that before I blew up on you." Ryuji ran a hand through his short black hair yet again.

       It might've been a memory, or a dream, but Ryuji thought back to a time when he was a good person. With no rough past. Maybe he could've stopped going content in the silence, okay with hiding bruises for the sake of avoiding the conciquences.

     He'd gone such a long time in his childhood concealing the marks his dad gave him. It became normal after a while, to skip on swimming, and to tell lies on why he was in pain.

      _Could he compare the loss of an important part of his life to Rens?_ Yes, and- no. Ren had to make a whole new family. Ryuji still had his mother. It wasn't like the hurt went away, but, if them making up new lives helped in any way, he was alright with that.

      "We're a pretty 'effed up duo huh?" Ryuji sucked in his bottom lip and wondered if two broken people could come together to make a difference.

      Nodding, Ren smiled for the first time in their talk, "Yeah. I wouldn't want to deal with this, with anyone else."

      "I wouldn't do anythin' different- you know?- if I could go back to my mistakes... I like where life has taken me." The former blond picked at the lint on his socks.

      "Definitely." Ren agreed.

       Lingering on the thought of how he had delt with his past, noticing the fading sunlight, Ryuji leaned back into his chair, "The darkness feels so friendly sometimes. Don't ya think?"

      The fairy lights Ren had around his bedpost illuminated his lashes, and brought out the beam in his smile, "It is nice, isn't it."

      "Thank you."

      Ren looked away from his lights to Ryuji, "What?"

      Biting back a grin, Ryuji shrugged, "Thank you for being my friend dude. You're a damn good person."

     "Oh. No problem..." Ren rubbed his neck, a hint of nervousness peaked through, and the guy sitting across from him swore he could see a blush creep on his cheeks.

      _He'd never seen the guy get hot in the face before. Was he wrong to like it?_

     Crossing his legs, Ren chuckled, bowing his head into laugh, "You're a cool person too Ryuji. Life is just, better when you're around, you know?"

     "Shit, now we're bein' all sappy." Ryuji looked at his friend, hair still covering his face.

"I think y- It's cute. Being sappy- I mean." The guy had propped up his head that had lulled to the side with his fist. Arm resting on his leg, he looked so content.

     Ryuji felt an overwhelming ammount of confidence for some strange reason. Letting a sly grin prick at his lips, "Am I cute?"

     "Yes." He said almost immediately, face dropping to a very serious look. Causing the other to be taken back, shrinking into a ball in his knees.

      Muffled, Ryuji groaned, "Dude!"

      Ren laughed in return, shaking his head, "You asked!"

     "So- like," He brought his head from his leg cocoon, "What about me do you think is cute?- I'm jus' curious! Don't get any ideas... weirdo."

     He shrugged, "You're very good looking- to me that is. But, if anyone were to fall for you, I'm sure I'd be your personality... You're just, a great guy."

     His friend was too much- _too attractive really-_ to let Ryuji properly assess his words. _It may have been flirtatious,_ or he could just be desperate to think that. _Was he joking?_ He seemed so true to what he said. All of it made Ryuji doubtful.

     "Jeez, uh- heh. Thanks man," Ryuji was a tad flustered at the flattering words, "If only people would give me the time of day to get past my anxious exterior."

    _He was saying too much. Oh lord._

_Nobody is interested in him._

_Ryuji had the self esteem of a pea._

     With a sincere smile, Ren dangled his legs from the bed, "I know I did. And I don't regret it."

     "I'd probably date you-"

     He couldn't really finsh, because Ryuji slapped his hand over his mouth to hide any embarrassing noises. And- swore he didn't mean to fall from his chair in anguish.

    

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to the same song on repeat writing this whole thing...
> 
> Thank you guys for the nice comments you write. It fuels my inspiration to write more! And I don't know how many more chapters they'll be, but, I look forward to your kind words!


	10. Chapter 10

      _Why did he say that? What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he bring his nose from the carpet?_

      "Ryuji?" He practically melted through the ground upon hearing Rens whisper of a voice. It was dusted with a bit of concern, and that made it much worse.

      Squeezing his eyes shut, Ryuji was muffled in the floor, "Hold on a second. I'm trying to disappear."

      He laughed. _Laughed_. "It's nothing bad. Be true with how you feel. I don't care."

       _Oh but it wasn't that easy_. He was miserable in his head. Knowing he'd accidentally confessed to his friend killed him. And, whether it be true or not, he thought he was an idiot for just blurting it out like that.

       Saying something small, he felt Ren kick him lightly in his side, "Speak louder. Or I'm dragging you into the hallway."

      _Surely he wouldn't._

      But when he started to tug at Ryuji's arms, he hoisted himself up.

       "Okay! Jeez!" He scowled, rolling onto his back and flailing his arms to shoo him away, meeting his friends raised brow stare.

       It wasn't easy. But, would it ever be? Would he ever be comfortable with his feelings? The world always seemed to drag him down at his high points... So much so that he rarely saw the use in trying to express what was on his mind.

      Last time he said what he felt, he almost wreaked a friendship. And, this situation may have the same outcome. He hated being like this, like _he was a child. A coward, who couldn't control his emotions at all._

      Crouching down, Ren rested his arms on his knees closer to Ryuji's level now, he tilted his head slightly. Smoky eyes peering into his insecurities, "Are you afraid Ryu?"

       "Stop callin' me that." He draped his arm over his eyes, head facing the celing.

       "Why?" Ren was trying too hard for him.

       Jolting to look at Ren, his body twisted with him. Hands pushing up his weight, "Because it- it makes me feel 'effin weird!"

       Sitting down, the feathery haired boy slid his fingers through the locks covering his eyes and sighed. Chin to his knees, he had a pout to his lips, "It's making you be weird Ryuji."

      Falling into carpet, Ryuji growled in frustration, "It's makin' you look hot! Stop being attractive and make this easy for me!"

     _Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit._

      "Oh," Ren said in empty air, stale by the others words, "I've known for like, ages you liked me Ryuji. Stop being embarrassed."

       He about combusted right then and there, "WHAT."

        Shrugging, he chuckled, getting enjoyment from Ryuji's reaction, "It was obvious you dork. You're not subtle at all."

         "I'm gonna die," Ryuji clutched his chest, "I can't handle this."

       The last time he'd ever been romantically involved with someone, he was in ninth grade. Just before everything went to shit, he dated a girl from the dance team at school.

        Of course, she broke up with him after three months because of him becoming an outcast. And since then, nobody ever bothered with him. _The thought of Ren and him was scary._

     He went on one date with a guy. But other than that, he was unexpirienced with love. He could be a bad kisser, Ren could never  want to be near him ever again.

       "Ryuji. I like you as well." Ren said softly, breaking the guy from his trance of everything that could go wrong.

        Sitting up, he snapped his eyes shut, "I'm gonna throw up- but- in like- a good way..."

      "You were so nervous in that bathroom all that time ago. I loved the way you joked," Ren paused and tilted his head back, "And, it didn't help that you were undoubtedly cute struggling with words while cleaning up the mess you made."

    _He was making Ryuji's insides explode. The way he was acknowledging his social awkwardness, was in a nice light. Something nobody has ever done before._

     Turning to Ren, Ryuji could feel his heart bunch up, "I was so afraid of social situations that I tried to avoid you after that. But, _jeez dude_ , you kept showin' up at places!"

     "I can promise it wasn't on purpose." Ren smiled with a hint of him lying being displayed on his face.

     Nothing like this had ever happened before. He was always just content with having no romantic connections. Feeling like he'd be without a relationship for his whole life, he'd gotten used to being alone. And now, he was thrown straight into a confession.

     Dealing with stuff was never his forte, _he'd always just ran away._ Genuinely shocked that he was able to sit and calmly take the situation head first.

     Ren was such a good guy. If he were to do something stupid to ruin what they had, Ryuji would never forgive himself. But from what had happened in the past, he hoped he could get himself together and become better person.

     "What do you want to do now?" Ren asked, looking so calm compared to the other in the room.

    "I- shit dude- I dunno?" Ryuji laughed nervously and felt his fingers dig into the carpet, "I've never done something like this."

     Nodding, Ren crossed his legs and put his hand to his chin. Deep thoughts practically radiated off him, "We could go out?"

     "Oh. Okay! Hah- y-yeah man!" Ryuji could feel the heat from embarrassment on his face. Gripping the carpet so hard now, he hoped he didn't tear it from the ground.

      The guy snickered at Ryuji's demeanor, "You're alright with that?" He paused to see his agressive nodding, "Alright. How about Friday?.. Give you time to breathe?"

     Ryuji was undoubtedly relieved, "Hell yeah. Let's- uh- let's go to that one restaurant a block outta campus! Yea, that's a good place huh?"

     "I'll pick you up at seven." Ren grinned.

     With that. Ryuji felt like everything was going to be okay. For once, he wasn't afraid.

      And maybe, he _would_ throw up in a good way.

       

     

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Date night with an awkward couple ^-^ coming up.
> 
> I'm thinking one more chapter after that. Thank you all for such nice commentary on my work, it really means a lot for my hobby to be recognized and praised.


	11. Chapter 11

     Surely such a framilar place couldn't get as stuffy as it had seemed in the moment Ryuji was in. Dim lighting, a tight collared shirt, and the nervous bouncing of his leg.

     Ren was something else. His hair, his clothing, his actions. Everything he did, he seemed to be comfortable with. And Ryuji thought of what he'd give to be like that. To not have a constant battle in his mind that everyone is judging you, watch your movements.

      Hands in his lap, staring at like menu like he wasn't going to get the same thing he always got, he saw a blur of Ren. Eyes darting up to focus on him, elbows propped on the table, fists under his chin. God awful, affectionate grin quirked at the corner of his mouth.

     Immediately looking back down at the table, Ryuji widened his eyes and felt his throat become dry. A flush of red spread on his cheeks. And he could feel his heart race, like someone was inside him, shaking it as hard as they could.

      He needed to look up. He couldn't look at his menu anymore, it was too much.

      "You look real handsome tonight Mr. Sakamoto." Ren gushed, struggling not to laugh watching Ryuji choke on his water.

      Wiping his mouth, he looked up with his brows furrowed, "Dude! Don't- agh!- do that shit when I'm drinkin'!"

      He leaned back in the booth and still held in his snickering. Replacing it with his beam, "I know, I know. It's fun to tease you though. Especially when you're easily flattered. Although, I'm not joking, you look good."

       "So having a panic attack sittin' in my closet was worth it huh?" Ryuji remembered that he'd need to pick up all the shirts he'd torn from the hangers earlier.

     "Phew, I thought I was alone in freaking out over outfits. And- yeah- I'd say it payed off." He threw a smile at Ryuji, to which he took it with stride, finally grinning back at Ren.

     Closing his menu, Ryuji wracked his hands in his lap, "You're lookin' nice tonight as well. Even though you always do."

      Placing a hand to his cheek, Ren closed his eyes and sighed affectionately, "I try."

      From what he thought, Ryuji believed that their date was doing pretty well. Besides him practically shaking in his shoes. With no hiccups, he had to will himself to know that the situation was alright. That he didn't need to overreact.

     "Are you doing okay?" Ren asked, leaning over the table, "I know you can be a bit nervous."

      "A bit? I'm havin' a mid-life crisis." Ryuji laughed back, staring into his lap at his stale attempt at joking.

     Ren took it though, giving a sympathy chuckle, "You're going to die in your forties?"

       "Oh- uh- yikes. Heh. I'm a mess man... so like, probably?" His shoulders were bunched up and he sucked in his lips to hide any more awkward words.

       When the waiter came. Ryuji began to fidget, wondering what the stranger thought of the pair. _Did he know they were on a date?  Was he against this type of stuff?_

     But, he came, took the orders, and came with the food. He didn't acknowledge the two with any negative looks, or snarky speaking. It was a peaceful place, and perhaps he didn't think they were out romantically. Maybe he thought they were just two bros eating at a restaurant together.

       It seemed like that from far away probably. It wasn't like they were holding hands, or sharing a drink like couples did on dates.

      He shivered at his thoughts. _Couple?_ Were they a couple? What category did Ren put them in, and was it high ranking? Certainly, they were not dating. They weren't boyfriends. They were simply two friends testing the waters of their romantic feelings.

     Ryuji found it hard not to sneak looks at Ren. He was just, so attractive. He always wore such lovely outfits, and they seemed much more extravagant tonight. His hair lay perfectly, his jaw set sternly as he looked at his phone.

     Achromatic was a favorite for Amamiya. His jacket, which was neatly ironed, was acompanied by a white button down. Which fit his frame so well, it made the other jealous. All his clothing seemed too big, tight in the wrong places, baggy in the awkward areas, there was so happy medium.

     Eyes following the black haired guys movements, he noticed that Ren chewed on his thumbnail alot. Hand in a fist, he swiped up on something on his phone, peeling back his lip with his finger.   
Lips. Oh god, Ryuji couldn't think about Rens lips. They were pouty more times then not, and when he smiled, they lifted up so nicely. He loved Rens smile, whether mischievous, or with happiness, he adored the way it made him feel.

     Looking up from his phone, over his glasses, Ren must've been reading Ryuji's mind. Because he grinned at the other, "This doesn't feel any different, does it?"

     "Well- I-I dunno. Man, I'm not sure about anything tonight. I don't wanna do somethin' wrong." Ryuji sunk down a bit and sifted through his ramen lazily with one chopstick.

      Showing his teeth a bit, and sending Ryuji deeper into oblivion, Rens smirk was met with an eyeroll, "You can't ruin anything, you make everything better... Like, you could punch me in the face, and I'd still like you Ryu."

     Practically on the ground now, Ryuji covered his face, painted with a light pink now, "Eff! Dude you're not helpin'!"

        "Sorry, but, seriously, I think it's going great." He leaned under the table and let out a small laugh seeing him all bunched up.

       They both perked up however, when a certain orange mass peaked around from the other boothe. Menu hiding a sly smile, Futaba looked at the two boys, "I think it's going great too!"

      Shooting up, Ryuji gaped his mouth and looked over to see the girl sitting with a boy. The framilar face clicked in his mind as he put two and two together for him to be the person he teased her about. Focusing on whatever he was looking at on a pad of paper.

     "Futaba. Does Sojiro know you're out here?.. How did you-" Ren was visibly frustrated.

      She waved him off, "He knows. And, you should know as well that I bugged your phone dummy."

      Ryuji ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. Watching as the girl raised a brow, "You're not blond anymore?"

      Not receiving an answer, she whipped back to the guy in her booth as he spoke. Pointing at the paper with obvious confusion. Futaba groaned, calling him stupid.

       "It's tic-tac-toe how hard can it be!" She practically yelled, falling back and covering her face in disappointment.

       With very formal speaking, he placed the pencil to the paper and looked up, "Well. The contrast between the 'x' and the 'o' is very off-putting. Not to mention how hastily you drew this box, I cannot put my character down anywhere that is sensible."

      Everyone stayed quiet and looked at the boy. Ryuji had never seen anyone take a game so seriously in his life, and would much rather get back to just him and Ren, than see the two fight over tic-tac-toe.

      "Oh," He said shortly, drawing on the paper, and getting three in a row, "I won."

      Futaba crumpled up her napkin and threw it at him. And Ryuji and Ren slowly slipped from the situation upon getting their bill. Watching them bicker from the register as they paid, they hadn't even noticed that the two had left.

      Once outside to the busy sidewalk, Ren powered off his phone so she couldn't follow them anymore. Pulling Ryuji through the crowd by his jacket sleeve, he looked forward at the fluffy haired guy.

    _Now, if Ren could just slide his grip down just a little, they'd be holding hands, and he'd be perfectly fine with that._

      Tugging him to the right, Ryuji found himself at a water fountain. Glancing around at all the people bypassing the area, he felt less claustrophobic as Ren drug him closer to the money filled pool.

      They stood together, staring at the water as it fell from the black marble. Ren still gripped Ryuji's coat sleeve, "This place is a haven for wishes."

     Leaning away, Ryuji furrowed his brow and looked at the other with slight disbelief, "You believe in this stuff?"

     Nodding, Ren parted his lips into a small smile, and it took all of Ryuji's body to not become flustered, "It's silly, but, yeah- I do. They've almost all came true."

      "Hey, I won't judge. I think it's sweet you wish on fountains dude. Is this a tradition?" Ryuji had noticed Ren become more reserved, he had clutched his jacket harder, which had pulled them closer. This place was obviously important to him.

      "Kinda," he leaned into Ryuji without hesitation, "I always did it at the one back home. It carried over to Tokyo, and it helps that this place is so pretty."

       It was.

      Like a border between the hustle of the city, the fountain was calm, and hardly had anyone surrounding it. Almost blocking out the cars and chatter of those walking.

        Ryuji craned his head to see Rens gaze across the water. Almost childlike in the way he held on to his arm. Ryuji took a handful of yen from his pocket, shoving them in front of Ren as sort of an offering. Noticing the mood change of the guy, he thought it could make him feel better.

      Tossing some in first, Ryuji had wished to have everything work out between him and the guy holding onto his sleeve. Watching as he threw his yen into the water, various plopping noises hitting their ears.

      "Whadya wish for?" Ryuji turned away, looking to the other.

     Ren stared at him for a second. Blinking hard as he faltered in his movements.

     Reaching up, he placed his hands on Ryuji's burning cheeks and brought their faces together for a kiss. Making Ryuji's whole body become putty under his touch.

_Oh god oh god oh god, he's doing it. He's kissing Ren. They have their lips on each other, and they're kissing- oh god._

     His hands were awkwardly outstretched, and hesitantly placed them on the small of Rens back. Bringing them closer together, Ren had pulled away slightly for breath, moving his arms to wrap around Ryuji's shoulders.

     For being almost the same height, Ryuji felt taller. Even though he was weak, and would fall to the ground without the other practically holding him up.

     He pulled away, and searched Ryuji's eyes before he smiled, "That's what I wished for."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit just because yesterday was national kiss Ryuji day doesn't mean I can't write a belated one right!? 
> 
> Thank yall for your comments on everything, ahhhh yall are amazing.
> 
> I'm thinking next chapter is the last, and I don't know if I'm planning an epilogue or not.


	12. Chapter 12

     If it wasn't said, Ren could've peiced together that it was just Ryuji and his mother at his home. Neat, and well decorated, he had always wondred why Ryuji seemed to clean his room often.

     Olive colored walls were covered in photos. Black haired Ryuji, blond haired Ryuji, forgot-to-dye-my-roots Ryuji. He was obviously the star of the pictures. From his track meets, to him with a face full of ramen, he was the subject of the frames.

      Of course, his mom was in some. Holding a toddler Ryuji in her arms, cheeks so close together they were both squished. The love between the two was obvious, and Ren felt a pang of happiness in his heart. Knowing that he wasn't always misreble when he was younger.

       It was apparent some photos had been ripped, and a certain person had been scribbled out in others. It wasn't hard however to put Ryuji's dad in the missing spots. Seeing one photo of the guy out of the dozens, he felt bad. Ryuji had looked so much like his father, and he knew he hated that.

       Ryuji had smiled so bright in a his graduation picture though, and it brought Ren to a grin. Glancing at his mom in the kitchen hugging him with all her might, she peaked over her sons shoulder and perked up.

      "Ooji!? How rude! You didn't even introduce that lovely kid. You left him in the hall!" She pulled away and smacked his chest.

       Pushing past him, Mrs. Sakamoto made her way to Ren. Hugging him, and skipping any formal greeting, she practically suffocated him in her embrace. Stepping back to lift up his chin and observe him.

      "Oh, you have such a wonderful bone structure eh?" She scrunched up her nose, and Ren could hear Ryuji in her voice.

       Laughing, Ren, looked down at the small framed lady, "Thank you."

      Moving his mom slightly so she dropped her grip on Rens face, Ryuji grabbed his wrist, "I was gonna show him my room and- wait shouldn't you be going?"

      As much as Ren wanted to hang with his mom, she was going to dinner with her friends. Which, made Ryuji happy he could guess, knowing that his mom wasn't alone.

       "Oh yes! I forgot!" She turned on her heel and grabbed keys off the coffee table.

       She'd lose her head too if Ryuji wasn't there to remind her of things. He made sure though to put reminders on her phone once a week just to be sure she didn't forget everything.

        Making her way to the door, she grabbed Ryuji's face and gave him a kiss on the cheek, patting Rens cheek too as she began to exit, "Make sure you lock up. Nice meeting you sweetie!"

      Slamming the door, Ryuji sighed and fell back into the wall, placing his hand on his forehead. It was nice to visit his mother, yes, but she was always so hyper around new people. He was surprised she didn't try to make Ren a whole meal like she'd done when Ryuji had a study partner come over on his last year of high school.

      Ren smiled and leaned on Ryuji, "She's nice. I can see where you get half your mannerisms from."

      "I can see why I'm so embarrassed most of the time too. Hell, I'm surprised she didn't wip out my track medals and tell you how proud she is that I was so good." He shook his head and looked to the floor. His mother meant well, but was overly excited more times than not.

       "So," He nudged Ryuji in the side, "I wanna see your room... I wanna see your manga collection."

         Ryuji shook his head and smiled, "Those are so far back in my closet dude. They're probably all dusty and shit. Plus, I went through a, 'pink haired waifu' phase. So there's probably twenty of those in there."

          Raising a brow to Ryuji, Rens lips quirked up into a smirk, "I'll be your pink haired waifu. You think I'd look good with pink hair _Senpai?"_

       Watching in annoyance, Ryuji smacked the guys hands down from poofing up his locks, "Shaddup ya dork. You wanna see my room or not?"

       Nodding, he still felt like teasing, "Oh yes Senpai."

        Huffing, Ryuji pushed himself off the wall and began to saunter twords his room, "We're on the sixth floor, want me to throw you out the window asshole?"

       It was quiet. No words from Ren really did answer his question, glancing back just to see if he was still there, Ryuji flicked on the light to his room. Wandering in like he'd never been there before.

        The place wasn't messy... Ryuji just had a lot of stuff. Knick knacks, colognes, stuff you'd find at the marketplace down the road. They all sat ontop of his dressers, making his otherwise neat room feel crowded. Ren couldn't help but to notice the ammount of clothing he had as well, from the ones hanging in his closet, to the ones overflowing in his hamper.

        "Sorry for the mess dude... it's silly to have all this shit." Ryuji had noticed Rens scan of the room and immediately felt bad.

        Ren waved him off, and he felt he needed to continue to justify his clutter, "I just- like to hold onto memories, and everythin' here has a story to it. Short or long, they hold somethin' ya know?"

        "It's dumb really-"

        "Shut up Ryuji I think it's sweet." Ren looked over his shoulder to see the other shut his mouth tightly. Hands fiddling, he took his gaze to the ground as Ren continued to look at the items.

         Metals hung lazily on a wooden structure, which made Ryuji wince when Ren focused on them. Picking one up in the light to read the words. Which- to the person who received the awards- didn't matter anymore.

        Sure, they were a reminder of track. But, he didn't want to be reminded of anything that happened in highschool. He'd rather it be a blank spot in his memories like he'd forced it to be.

      Dropping it and letting it swing, Ren watched Ryuji grimace when they met each others gaze. He had felt bad that a small peice of metal could bring so much hurt to someone.

       It especially sucked when such a wonderful person had to be reminded constantly of his rough past. But, Ren thought he could at least help. Turning around and resting on the dresser, he let his shoulders fall, "How bad is it?.. To think about it?"

      "It's a lingerin' feeling man," Ryuji shook his head to push off the emotions he'd harbored, "I- I always think about what coulda been if I didn't screw up."

         Ren suddenly felt as if the metals behind him became apart of his past too, "You didn't _do_ anything wrong, you were doing what you loved, and it's not your fault someone ruined it for you."

          Scrunching up his face, Ryuji shook his head, "But it-"

        "Stop blaming yourself, or I'm gonna throw _you_ out the window." Ren stepped forward and wanted Ryuji to understand that he was serious. Even if there was a hint of humor, they both knew it was littered with the truth.

         "I dunno, I guess it helps to pin myself as the cause. It gives me an explanation to why it all happned." He immediately knew Ren didn't like that answer.

         He reached out and grabbed Ryuji's hand. Squeezing hard as he peered into his eyes with furrowed brows. Specs of anger were floating around the way he was acting. _It wasn't like he was willfully so self depricating. It just was so much easier than spending time on the whys and hows._

         It felt good to have someone care so much for him. He flexed his fingers in the grip Ren had on his hand, feeling the warmness of his touch. Like some sort of healing medicine was radiating from his palms.

      Ren smiled, which he understood now could have a lasting effect on Ryuji, "You're the best, you know that?"

       Ryuji couldn't deny it, or Ren would grab his ear or shirt and scold him for being rude to himself. Letting the corner of his mouth qurik up into a small smile, he shrugged, "I guess..."

        "You're a good boy." Ren cooed like Ryuji was a puppy, dropping Ryuji's grip, he put his hands up to the short black hair and smoothed it back.

        He was raking his fingers through Ryuji's hair, and had a warm grin on his lips. Which took away for a small moment, that he had just in fact acted as if Ryuji was a dog.

         Scoffing, Ryuji gaped his mouth in defense, stepping backwards, "Aye! I know I'm hard on myself sometimes, but I am not an effin' dog!"

      Going back to University was a very long walk unfortunately. After going down copious ammounts of stairs, Ryuji tried not to explode when Ren intertwined their fingers.

      It was always nice to have someone with you, and with the warmth of anothers fingers, it felt way better. Especially when Ren radiated heat, and more so when his grip was strong. It made Ryuji feel like he'd never let go, and he wasn't afraid now to say he wouldn't mind that.

       _Holding hands for forever? Why was he being so sappy?  Rens job was to be the sappy one, always saying lovey dovey words._ Although, he had to admit he liked it a lot when Ren would get all mushy.

       A week is the ammount of time they'd had from the kiss by the fountain. No other things they'd done after that came that close. It was either long stares, or hand holding. _It wasn't like Ren didn't know Ryuji was almost incapable of initiating romantic things_.

      Ryuji hated labels. As he'd gone through life called a delinquent, or having people frequently point him out as vulgar. They'd all changed the way he acted... But it was important to put a label on their relationship, they hadn't, and it was killing Ryuji.

      Looking to the side shops, Ryuji stopped, forcing the other to hault to, he gestured twords a seafood restaurant, "Isn't that Futabas weird friend?"

       He was attempting to get lobsters from the tank out front. And Ren sighed, "She's there too, look," he pointed to the girl pulling at his waist, "They're both too much."

         He successfully yanked one from the tank and Futaba shreiked, smacking him as he shoved it in her face. Yelling rude words at him as he laughed.

        "Are they dating?" Ryuji asked, noticing the way the two acted.

       Ren shrugged, looking a bit somber, "No... But, they're both weird you know? She's really changed once she met him- in a good way I think."

        Ryuji looked at the hardness in Rens face, "Are you sad that she's growin' up? Ren, big brothers have to deal with that sort of stuff..."

          Sucking in his lips, he looked to the ground, "I guess."

        "Well, that's the cutest shit I've ever seen then man. Look at you, bein' all protective and sad." Ryuji smiled and tried to bring Ren from the dark spot he fell into.

         He rolled his eyes and grinned back, "You think its cute she was following us too?... She's probably bugged your phone now as well."

        "Kinda. She cares for you too dude. Even when she's being nosy, she just wants to see whats going on with you... T's sweet man." Ryuji began to walk with Ren again, leaving the pair of kids bickering about lobsters to themselves.

     If his dad didn't hate Ryuji so much, he thought maybe his mom would have another kid. He'd always wanted a younger sibling, someone he could influence. Somebody who he could make sure didn't have the same mistakes he'd had.

     When his mother and father fought, and he had hid out on the terrace, he'd always imagined having a brother out there. Someone he could console, instead of being alone, he could have someone to relate to. And maybe not worry so much about leaving his mom for school.

    Cold wind hitting his tear streaked face, lights from the skyline casting an orange glow to the shadowy balcony. He'd never thought things could get even worse. That his dad sending cries of pain from his mother inside would go away.

     Hours spent out on the terrace, Ryuji hated going out there now. Afraid he'd hear his mother getting hurt again. He was glad that he had her, glad things eventually changed.

      "Ren... Did you miss your mom a lot? Ya know, after you had to move to Tokyo?" Ryuji asked, kicking a rock with his foot.

      Ren faltered, sticking his hands in his pockets, "No. That- It sounds so terrible, but I don't at all Ryu. My whole family was so shitty after the arrest, I couldn't forgive them for shipping me off like all I was, was a problem."

     "Did seeing my ma make you upset?.. I- I should've thought about that Ren." The former blond tried to read the others face. Realizing that this was the third time they'd gotten deep today.

      "No. Not at all Ryuji. She's wonderful," He grinned at him, "Just like you... And- I hope I can get to know her more, I'd always wished my mom was like what yours is."

     Watching a streetlamp cast a glow to Rens face, Ryuji felt his heart flutter, seeing how handsome Ren was in that moment. Watching the soft yellow fade into deep cool colors as they stepped back into the darkness.

     Neon lights from passing businesses reflected in his glasses, and Ryuji suddenly realized how much he adored Rens eyes. Grey marbles stared ahead without noticing the gawking, long eyelashes fluttering as he blinked.

      _What did Ren think of Ryuji? Was he good-looking? Did he like any quirks he had?_ It cast Ryuji into a small spot of self conciousness. Knowing he saw nothing in himself sucked, especially when it could ruin such a nice moment. _He was never good enough..._

     Ren was still stuck on the past conversation although, "You think your mom liked me?"

      He nodded egarly, glad he brought him from his thoughts, "Definitely. Heh- yeah- she's happy I have a boyfriend... Guess she's a bit excited about-"

      He stopped and ran a hand down his face after realizing what he said. Ren grinning widely at him, "Eff! Uh- if- _god_ \- it slipped out I'm sorry man. I- We haven't even talked about that ish."

      "You wanna put a label to this?" Ren turned to Ryuji and gestured his hand up and down his body.

     Groaning, he wanted to explode, "Stop bein' funny I'm havin' a dilemma here dude!"

     "I'm serious." Ren dropped his smile.

    "I can't- _jeez_ \- boyfriends? You want to date me- as in- _date_!? Like, 'official on social media' date? As in- couples? As-"

      Ren shook his head and did what he'd done lately to shut Ryuji up. Reaching up, he placed two hands to the sides of his face and stared into the chocolate ones widely looking back to him. Squishing his cheeks, he read the expression on him, "You're rambling again. Calm down, and stop letting your mind go so fast."

     Taking Rens hands down, Ryuji looked away and took in a deep breath, running his thumb over the soft skin atop Rens hands. _Everything had to happen so fast didn't it?_

     "Shit- I'm scared." Ryuji looked back and hated what had came from his mouth.

     "Ryuji. You're amazing. The way you joke around, the way you struggle with words when you're nervous. I love when you fiddle with your fingers, and when you stare at me like I don't know."

      _Ren could read his mind. He was sure of it._

     "I hate how insecure you are about anything you do. Your hair, the way you show your gums when you smile, how many times you've got a pout to your face- you're perfect."

     "And- I could go on forever. And I will, because I know you need someone to remind you how great you are. How good you look when you're deep in thought, looking off into space, eyebrows furrowed..."

     Ryuji had to force himself not to collapse. Hearing everything he ever thought, or wondered being answered overloaded his head. All the things he ever wanted to know about Rens interpretation of him was just shoved in front of him.

     "Do you want to date me Ryuji Sakamoto?" Ren used his name in a strict way, still diving into the muddy waters of his eyes.

     The bathroom. The library. That time he got drunk. Babysitting Futaba. Working through an anxiety attack. Telling Ren of his past. Having someone trust him with deep secrets... Confessing in his dorm. _Kissing in front of a fountain._

     It was an adventure. And he loved every minute, every unexpected twist and turn of meeting Ren Amamiya, and slowly falling for the asshole that he was.

     Despite his social anxiety, and lack of doing anything that wasn't embarrassing, he still made it through. He changed, and adapted to new situations he'd never put himself in before.

     He loved Ren. And maybe he wasn't ready to blurt that one out yet.

     But, he was ready for other words.

     With a wide beam, Ryuji nodded, "Of course."

 

 

   ** __ _The End_**

 

        

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and commenting. Honestly, I used to write extensively on Wattpad before I lost muse. This really brought me back into feeling joy in writing again, especially with the support.
> 
> I put myself and various traits into Ren and Ryuji without trying to go too OOC. I've always loved college AUs, and I never considered making a whole story for Pegoryu. But I'm glad I spent my time writing, and listening to one song on repeat while doing the whole thing. 
> 
> There will be an epilogue, I don't know when, because I've already started writing another Pegoryu story! Stay tuned, and thank yall so much from the bottom of my heart. Especially to those who commented on every chapter, and yall know who you are! You're all great! Xx


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